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Posted on 2006.01.04 at 20:45
Current Mood: crushedcrushed
Stefanie just told me (in IMs) that she is in love with someone else. Shit. I really didn't need this, during this week which is really critical to my dissertation work. I guess a bout of hysterical crying, then try and work some more.
I was really falling for her. I was beginning to think of a future.


Chavah ("Little Raccoon") bat Sarah
qilora at 2006-01-05 01:51 (UTC) (Link)
can i hug you? :-(

theservant at 2006-01-05 01:53 (UTC) (Link)
I need it. Everything was good today, my life was heading in the right direction, and now it seems like shit.
herspace at 2006-01-05 01:57 (UTC) (Link)
Im so sorry dear. I wish I knew something, anything to say. Just know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
theservant at 2006-01-05 02:00 (UTC) (Link)
Thanks. I really do appreciate it.
suzermagoozer at 2006-01-05 02:16 (UTC) (Link)
hug hug hug huuuuuuuuuuug hugggggggg.

i really am sorry, because you have been so hopeful.
i know you will be again.
i enjoy seeing that optimism in you.

suze & toulouse
sputnik5 at 2006-01-05 02:20 (UTC) (Link)
Cyber-hugs. Hang in there.

OT, I'm meeting with my graduation commttee tomorrow to decide when I'm done. How far along are you?

Release the Kraken!
delerium69 at 2006-01-05 02:36 (UTC) (Link)
Whoa that sucks. I'm totally sorry. But I guess it's better than it happening after you were REALLY in love and actually having that future you were thinking of, for whatever that's worth.
kvetchingeditor at 2006-01-05 03:14 (UTC) (Link)
Agh. ... the Interweb age has ruined worthwhile communication when it comes to the big things, the important things.

I'm terribly sorry.
theservant at 2006-01-05 03:16 (UTC) (Link)
I dunno. I think I fucked up. Whatever.
(Deleted comment)
theservant at 2006-01-05 06:23 (UTC) (Link)
violet_memory at 2006-01-05 18:11 (UTC) (Link)
I'm very sorry :( IM is a particularly cold way to receive such news also. I hope things get better for you quickly.
theservant at 2006-01-05 18:22 (UTC) (Link)
Thanks, but nah, my heart is broke and I am really struggling to not fall into total despair. And not succeeding entirely. I don't know why, but... I got the blues about her.
uberconfused at 2006-01-05 19:55 (UTC) (Link)
The good, warm, supportive part of me is saying "there there Big J, she's a fool, you're better off, there are other chickadees in the sea."

The megabitch in me is saying "good riddance to bad rubbish--she's a freak and bad news, she doesn't deserve someone as good as you, and having that kind of conversation through IM just proves how unhinged she actually is."

Neither of these things do much to address your actual feelings. Feelings suck. But if it's possible for a jew to find solace in Nietszche: "that which does not kill me makes me stronger." But I'm sorry for the disappointment.
theservant at 2006-01-05 19:58 (UTC) (Link)
Thanks a lot. I don't really know what the hell she did to me, but I am totally broken up all out of proportion. I have a cold and asthma as well, so I may not be getting enough oxygen. That's probably it.
But I feel like I should start a myspace account so I can be all Emo and post my poems about it.
Maybe get one of those damn scarves.
(Deleted comment)
metalclarinet at 2006-01-06 02:16 (UTC) (Link)
Growing old sucks. Right now I have a knee so bum it even hurts sometimes when I am sleeping. But knee pain doesn't live in your head. Sometimes being young sucks a lot worse than anything old age can throw at you. I wouldn't go back and be 25 again, although I wouldn't mind going back and swapping out some parts.

I wish I could bring up some of my blues pals and support you. Maybe down and delta dirty, maybe clean picking sad. See what songs you can get in touch with.

One of the Roosevelts said, when you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.
theservant at 2006-01-06 02:19 (UTC) (Link)
Yeah. Chicago wail seems to fit me now... Muddy, Otis Rush, Little Milton...

Willie Dixon said that the Blues is a conversation with circumstances.
(Anonymous) at 2006-01-06 04:33 (UTC) (Link)
For what it's worth... Krull just started on Sci-Fi about two minutes ago. You can still catch it.
davidfcooper at 2006-01-06 15:27 (UTC) (Link)
So sorry to hear your sad news, Jonathan. Under the circumstances your best strategy may be to throw yourself into your studies and mourn the stillborn relationship later.
theservant at 2006-01-06 15:28 (UTC) (Link)
Yeah, that's pretty much my plan.
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