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OK, I kind of wimped out.

Posted on 2010.03.16 at 16:53
Current Music: Tampa Red - It's Heated

I went in to see my therapist today with the intent of saying that I at least wanted to take a break from therapy for a while, if not end our sessions altogether. Seemingly in anticipation of this, she said that she was confronting me with stuff, and that I always avoid confrontation, and that I would not want to deal with this. That kind of boxed me in. Were this a chess game, I would be impressed. The thing is that I just don’t really see the need to deal with all this crap I have left over from my dissertation instead of actually concentrating on how to find a job and how to figure out what I want to do now, what I can do, and how to bring that situation about. I have made big strides in that direction lately, but she doesn’t really care about that and says I have to deal with all this old crap so I don’t do it again. Maybe that would be a problem if I were going to write another dissertation, but that’s not gonna happen. She also wants me to confront some former friends of mine about a fight we had about three and a half years ago ( even wrote a post about it on May 12, 2006 if you care to look), since I didn’t have closure on it, and was carrying around a lot of anger. While I don’t really have closure on it, I don’t think I am going to get any now, and I doubt that an email would be answered at all, let alone with some kind of cleansing apology. I just have to let it go and know that I probably have just about all the closure on that that I am gonna get, and move on.

So I really need to dump my therapist. Why is this hard? Is she just being totally manipulative?


electric misfit love machine
eyelid at 2010-03-16 22:09 (UTC) (Link)
If you don't want to go to your therapist anymore, just cancel the appointment and don't take any more calls from her.

Maybe it's passive-aggressive, but she deserves that for abusing her position and manipulating you.
uberconfused at 2010-03-16 22:20 (UTC) (Link)
I think I missed something--have you decided to not finish your PhD?

She's not being manipulative, per se, but she may just interpret things as being issues that for you are not really issues. On some level, you have to be respected as an authority on your own priorities.
theservant at 2010-03-16 22:34 (UTC) (Link)
Unfortunately, I think it's decided to not get finished.
Release the Kraken!
delerium69 at 2010-03-17 04:04 (UTC) (Link)
You could just stop going, and if the old issues arise later, find a new therapist who makes you more comfortable. A good relationship with your therapist is vital. If you feel she's manipulating you, then you're not going to improve your mental health.

I'm sorry you're not going to be finishing your Ph.D. Since I came close to blowing my Masters, I know how stressful all of this crap can be for anyone. But I wish you luck in finding a new path. (BTW, what happens when someone has everything completed except the dissertation?)
theservant at 2010-03-17 04:21 (UTC) (Link)
What hapeens? They feel kinda stupid about the whole thing.
(Anonymous) at 2010-03-21 18:17 (UTC) (Link)
I'm sorry that your research is not going to get finished, but am sure there is no reason to feel stupid about it. (You're not going to consider the title of this blog as no longer appropriate, are you?)

I assume you've moved on from your former friends who had trouble accepting you as part of a couple. Even if you didn't have formal closure, you've apparently moved on. Why would an analyst want to resurrect those hurt feelings?

There are times when an analyst being "right on" makes you want to direct aggression towards the analyst, but I don't think this is one of those situations.

My easy chair analysis is that you either do without or find another analyst. Good luck!

Cousin Howard
yafah at 2010-03-17 22:47 (UTC) (Link)
It sounds like the style of therapy she is doing doesn't work with what you want right now. You can find different therapists who follow different styles/theories - look into a few and see if any sound like they will work for you... you can interview therapists on the phone before meeting with them to ask how they approach working with people.

I wimped out when I canceled with my last therapist, too. I said I wanted to take an open-ended break. She said she would rather we work out our issues together and I said I would rather take a break. Then I didn't reschedule and I found a new therapist who is awesome and uses a completely different approach. Not every therapist is right for everyone... if you're feeling icky about her (not just challenged but you feel like she's manipulating you) I would probably just leave.
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